How to Find a Godly Spouse
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How to Find a Godly Spouse

One way to find a Godly spouse

I want to share something I learned nearly 25 years ago about finding a good husband. I'm not sure where I learned this idea. It came from one of the Bible and prayer studies I was doing at the time.

First, it's my opinion that there is no "one" person that God has selected for you. God wants you to have a Godly spouse, a wonderful helpmate, a friend who is loyal in good times and bad, a spouse whose love for you will model the way God loves you, as much as humanly possible. Someone you'd want for your own parent.

The plan I will share has worked well for me twice now. So is there only "one" for each of us? I don't think so. The first time I used this technique, I married my husband of 18 years. He passed away nearly 6 years ago. The second time I used this, I met and married my husband David and we have been married now for three and a half years. I shared this idea with two of my single friends who also used it. Both of them have been married over 20 years at this writing.

First, sit down with paper and pen in hand. Pray, asking God to give you an idea of characteristics he thinks you should seek in a spouse.

Two, start writing. What you will write are the things that come to your mind that you'd really like to have in a spouse. Things like non-drinker, non-smoker, non-drug-user, churchgoer, long time Christian, from a stable family, a hard worker, a kind and outgoing personality, intelligent, thrifty but not a tight-wad, housekeeping habits, personal hygiene habits, a person who's not so uptight they can't have some fun . . . those kinds of things. But write YOUR list, not mine. The length of time someone has been a Christian, for example, may not be that important to you.

The list will vary somewhat depending upon your own age. If you are 35 and established in your career, you will most likely want someone who is also established and has some accomplishments in his/her life. On the other hand, if you are in your early 20's, it’s probably better to seek someone who is on a good career path and has good future goals.

Don't rush through the list. You don't even necessarily want to complete it in one day. You want to write the qualities and characteristics that are good predictors of a long and happy future.

Once you have completed the list, find a scripture verse in the Bible that speaks to you of how God carries out His purposes, His plans, or some other scripture that tells you of God's great love for you, how he intends good for you and not evil, of plans He has to bless you. Find a bible you don’t use much any more and place your list in that Bible at the scripture you have chosen. Put the Bible back on the shelf or wherever you were keeping it.

This symbolizes that you are leaving it in God's hands. Whenever the list comes to mind, pray about it. Don’t sit back and just wait for God to bring someone right to your very door. Go on with your life; meet lots of people. Above all, don’t hurry any of it; there’s plenty of time for God to get you together with His choices. My first husband had to be transferred to Chicago from Los Angeles for me to meet him. A way had to be found for me to meet David, who lived in Dallas but I lived in Houston. But you see both situations were in God’s hands and in God’s time.

When you meet someone attractive to you, the list will probably be way in the back of your mind, even forgotten, but there all the same. Will you ever find someone who matches your list completely? Probably not; after all, your list is an ideal. Pray about the differences, and let God guide you into seeing if those differences are "deal breakers".

It is my hope you will find a "God Designed" spouse.

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Comments (12)

What great, sound advice. Many people believe that all they have to do is sit there and God will drop the perfect person in their lap, one has to do their part too. Excellent job and thank you from us single ladies out here!

Thanks for your comment Ngozi. I hope using my suggestions will bless you.

Lorena, somehow I missed this article and I love it! Especially the part about putting the list in the Bible. I always tell people to visualize putting out their hands and giving their problems to God, but it more tangible to do it this way. Are you copyrighted or can I borrow that thought? Everything you say is true. I waited a long time with my 'note in the Bible' for a husband, but God blessed me and brought me an angel of a man. Patience is hard, but the reward is great. Thanks, Marie

Marie, The thought is not copyrighted by me...I learned it somewhere along the line. Could have been Evelyn Christiansen, Ruth Carter Stapleton, Joyce Meyer, David Mains, Marilyn Hickey....I don't know. I think it was Evelyn Christiansen but I'm not sure. Somebody quite mature in their faith anyway. I'd like to add another thing along these lines that I learned to do from my studies all those years ago, is to begin to pray for the spouse God is bringing to you. Pray that he/she is healthy, happy, having good things happen in their career, "establish the work of his/her hands", growing in their faith. Pray for them as if they are already in your life as a friend (they might be!). Whoever the author was, he/she had used these methods to pray for Godly spouses for their children and I adapted the methods to my own circumstance.

Thanks for your vote Kathleen!

I like the first paragraph a lot about how one should love you so much in a godly way ?? great. it amazes me to see people who love like this too :)

Thanks Khalida.

Thanks Lorena for the article.It is important to find godly spouse because husband and wife must have unity in spirit.

Thanks for your comment Ireneo.


i am really searching for a godly spouse i pray this work out for me

Voted. Interesting article

Thanks for your vote Lucia Anna!