Is It Wrong to Date A Friend's Ex?
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Is It Wrong to Date A Friend's Ex?

Sometimes relationships go beyond the boundaries of what's wrong or right - and it might be up to you to know when and if your friend's ex should be your new love.

There are times when we fall in love unexpectedly - where spending time with the other person, sharing in an experience that bonds you together, or having an admiration for him or her can lead to finding love without trying.  Unfortunately, it is not always a beneficial situation for all parties involved.  This is especially the case of dating your friend's ex, whether it be a past girl or boyfriend or even spouse.  Why?  Because your friend was in love with him or her first.  But it's not that easy...

Soured Romances

If your friend went through a bad break-up or divorce, chances are you are more inclined to side with your heart-broken friend, and put the ex behind both of you.  Making a play for the ex only puts you in a bad light, making your actions seem as a betrayal to your friend's trust in you and your relationship.  What becomes tricky is when you are good friends with both of them, making your job of being a friend even harder to do.  In matters like that, it is not prudent to take sides, but be genial to them and try not to be a "go-between" or spread gossip about the other.

Falling In Love

As I already mentioned, you can't always know that you might fall in love with your friend's ex.  But you can avoid situations that might pull you closer together, or turn you against your friend.  This involves using your better judgement and knowing when to step away from the temptation.  That said, there are instances of where bad romantic relationships turn into platonic friendships once the couple status is dropped.  When that is the case, it makes for an entirely different situation.

From Your Friend's Perspective

While you can't please everyone all the time, all your decisions have an impact on those closest to you.  Think about how you'd feel if you went through a break-up and had a friend date or marry your ex.  As the one who experienced the break-up, It is your choice if you wish to continue being friends with either party at that point.  Maybe you recognized that you didn't have as much in common with the person you were in love with, or married to, and that you were together for all the wrong reasons.  Plus, not everyone you date is meant to be "the one".  Each relationship ends up being a learning experience, so that you know what to avoid or look for in a new partner down-the-road.  Your friend, on the other hand, might be better suited to him or her instead.  It is possible for you to not have hard-feelings if your ex ends up with your friend. 

On the other day, you can suffer from jealousy or irritation at seeing your ex and your friend together.  Nothing your ex or your friend say will make you feel better, and you are liable to seek revenge in some form, even if it is in terminating your ties with them.  This too is a natural response, as not everyone feels comfortable in "sharing" a love.  No one wants to ever feel less-than-special, including with being the discarded lover.  It makes for a lifetime of hurt if you are not willing to move on.

Happiness for All

In the end, not everything can work out between the love triangle you have created.  You really have to be sensitive to your friend's broken relationship and plod lightly.  But you must also keep an open mind.  Friends can easily become enemies, and enemies can just as easily become your friends.  If you fall in love with your friend's ex, you have to determine if the relationship is really in your best interest, or just a way of showing up your friend.  Likewise, if your ex falls in love with someone else, that's not to say that you can't befriend that person, especially if you share custody of children and must be in communication with the new partner.  Situations are only what you make of them - and if you make them awkward, then they are bound to stay that way.  But if you make a conscious effort to live morally, be trust-worthy, and let go of old hurts (no matter which side of the triangle you fit into), you stand a better chance of keeping friendships intact.

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Comments (3)

Interesting discussion..thanks

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